Random Ramblings

Meant To Live For More Than This.

I really don’t like that of late I’ve been so scattered with messages on this blog. To fill you all in quickly on the events of the last few months I’ve really been having a rough time, but whats new there. It’s really the events of the last week that I feel I should detail out while all of these things are still fresh on my mind. For those that may not know me personally or may have just recently found this blog I’m Chris (or Topher depending on who you ask). In the last few months I’ve grown to realize that there are quite a few things that I need to be working on in my own life just to grow and mature as a young adult. In the last week God has shown me even more of what His will is for me and how to grow in my relationship with Him which ultimately helps me grow not only as a young adult, but a member of the Kingdom. 

Lately the Lord opened my eyes to an amazing young lady. (Yes I realize i talk about girls all the time on this blog because it became a place to rant about things, but I promise you all this time its different.) She’s a christian, she’s beautiful, she makes me honestly happy instead of just making me feel good for the moment, i’ve found myself wanting to make her happy. Y’know all that cheesy stuff that normally wouldn’t be too different except for the key word Christian. Normally I wouldn’t even think about pursuing a Godly young lady because frankly the thought of that kind of a relationship scared me for the longest time. The amount of responsibility that it entailed was more than I felt i could bear for the longest time. This time was different. I found that in wanting to make her happy and see the way that God would have me treat her that I was communicating with the Lord. 

At first this communication was angry and forced. A “God why did you have to make it to where her focus is so much on you that I can’t even get the time of day” kind of communication. Over time I began to desire that same sort of relationship with Christ and it has become one of the things that I have grown to respect most about her and whether she realized what was happening and whether or not she meant to she began to encourage me in my walk with the Lord. This was all great until I became more focused on her than I was on the Lord and my envy of her relationship with Him became somewhat of a jealousy. We decided at that point that we would take a week of silence and focus on Christ’s will for our lives. For her this may be something that comes second nature, but for me this has been a whole new experience.

I’ll be totally honest with you all. I’m not where I should be with Christ. That’s what most of this week has been about, seeking after the Lord and seeing where things need to change and how to make those appropriate changes, but in what the Lord has shown me and the drastic changes that have been coming from this week I now believe that when the enemy gets mad about something regarding the kingdom he gets FURIOUS. It seems like from the moment that I agreed to take this week and focus on the Lord the enemy has been trying to prevent it in every way possible, but in making it my goal to pursue Christ i’ve also found that thwarting off the majority of these attacks has become easier and easier as has the desire to spend time in prayer and in the word (which is yet another brand new experience for me).

Now I realize to some that this whole post may sound like i’m trying to get myself together for some girl, which at first may have very well been the case whether I wanted to see it that way or not. In taking this week of not having that part of the picture exposed to me I’ve realized that I want to do this for myself. I need to grow as a young adult and I need to prepare myself for what the Lord has in store for my life. Though I have no idea what that may be it’s going to be a daily walk of faith to see brush stroke by brush stroke what the Lord is painting for my life. 

This last week the Lord has shown me how to approach this potential relationship with the previously mentioned young lady, a bit more of where He wants me to be and what my calling is for my life, and how to approach the family problems that also have been mentioned a number of times in this blog. On top of that the whole thing has allowed me to get closer to my father (whom over the years i’ve had my fair share of issues with) which has really just blessed me. I look forward to seeing what the Lord has in store for my family and where the Lord will open me up for a body of believers to surround myself with on a daily basis. I’ve begun to see part of that, but can’t wait to see where else it goes. 

On a final kind of note I just find it absolutely funny how the Lord speaks sometimes. In church for the last few messages that i’ve been at the Pastors have spoken volumes to me through what they said and how they said it. Palm Sunday I felt convicted about the fact that the Lord didn’t choose me for what I am/was at that moment in time. The Lord chose me for what He KNOWS I can do through Him and that is an absolutely glorious thing to hold on to. Easter sunday I was reminded yet again that I can’t do it all by myself, but the Lord has already left footprints for me to walk in when He rose from the grave and walked straight out of the tomb. (This was the point that I started to see that I needed to get myself right with the Lord, but in my own prayer throughout the week I realized that there were still a lot of things that I had no idea about and didn’t know where to begin to look into them. Such as scripture and where to even start reading.) The following Wednesday God spoke to me in my time of prayer about what I needed to do regarding the previously mentioned relationship which was amazing and in hearing that I sought further counsel about how to proceed from my old youth pastor who reaffirmed God’s desire for me to have a body of believers around me that are (somewhat) close to my age and will build me up and encourage me to grow in the Kingdom instead of keeping me living in the world of sin that i’m stuck with every day. Thursday I went to a young adults ministry at Free Chapel and the Lord answered my prayer regarding where to begin on scripture and opened my eyes to who i needed to speak with in that moment that can help to build me up. Friday I ended up going to work and having quite a bit of time at work to just pray while I worked and seek after the Lord and begin reading the word the way I was recommended to begin over my break which was really building me up. Saturday was an obvious snag I got caught in from the enemy, but in speaking with my earthly father the Lord spoke through him about a variety of things that are what I needed to hear in the moment regarding the snag that happened earlier that day and how the enemy was trying to tear apart any semblance of a foundation of peace that could ever come into my home and that brings us to today. This morning I was quite worried about honoring the week of silence that I  mentioned before because I felt the desire to go to church but still wanted to give her the space she requested. This resulted in me freaking out about a bunch of things and over thinking everything and then I felt clear as day that i was supposed to cancel the rest of my plans for the day and watch the live stream of the 11 AM service. As soon as Pastor Franklin mentioned the title of his sermon i knew I was right in my obedience to the Lord in listening in on the service. Pastor Franklin spoke this morning of “How To Get Right” which if you haven’t realized quite yet was EXACTLY what I needed to hear. I’ll go into that whole sermon more later after I have a bit to reflect on it more, but I will say that the thing that stuck with me the most that he said was “The longer God keeps you on a ‘left’ path (a detour) the greater the Right will be for you” this spoke volumes to me and clicked the final pieces that i needed to hear into place. It also let me know that though I am in a season of being left God is able to use that to get me right. 

Well to those that have read this post to it’s conclusion I apologize for the length, but I just felt lead to share what the Lord has been doing in my life and I pray that this spoke to someone even if just to let them know that they aren’t alone in their struggles. If anyone ever wants to chat my ask box is always open and i’m more than willing to write you back the minute that I see a message is there (and trust me I live on this site so it won’t be long!). 

Another Valentine’s Day Alone

This year I wasn’t really expecting much of anything out of the dreaded Single’s Awareness Day. I realized that after being dumped on Valentine’s Day last year there isn’t really much good that can possibly come from the holiday anyway. It’s just yet another reason for couples to flaunt what kind of great things they have going for them while those of us that don’t happen to have anyone special in their life sit at home wishing they did. This year was especially bad though. Not only did I not have any plans in the first place so I ended up sleeping all day until getting called into work, but I had someone actually agree to go to dinner with me. I think you guys can all see how this situation went south. I’m not sure if the whole thing was a mix up and there are two Chaing Mai Thai Cuisines next to a Kroger or if I was legitimately stood up, but now I’m sitting here blogging about it because that’s what happens when I end up upset.

I’ve learned my lesson from online dating sites though. People are ruthless and apparently couldn’t really care less about the happiness of any kind of decent guy. After three people have completely let me down (two legitimate dates and one complete misfortune later) I have decided that I’m done putting my heart on the line just to have it crushed over and over again. While yes Ms. Right is out there and I probably will end up finding her on the internet because I’m such a shy and awkward person in real life when I’m first starting to meet people I have come to the conclusion that I’m only nineteen and have the rest of my life ahead of me in looking for love and that currently I need to focus more on getting myself a job, moving out, and acquiring a car of my own. Maybe not necessarily in that order, but those conditions should probably be met before I even bother worrying about finding a significant other.

This isn’t to say that I am not completely tired of feeling unloved by those around me. The lack of a physical presence to cuddle or share a kiss with eats away at me throughout every day and night. People aren’t meant to live life feeling as alone as I do from day to day. I realize full well that I have more than most people in this world, but even the thing I do have a void of value without anyone to share them with.

Enough complaining about V-Day though. Mostly just because I’ve sat here and had quite a few people talk me down from the flurry of emotions that just decided to kick me in the ass over the course of the last 4 hours. Lets take a few minutes to fill you guys in on how things have been for me because I really don’t do this anywhere near often enough and before you ask I do realize that I say that in every post. Guess I just want you guys to know I know I should be posting more.

I’d love to say that life has been a bed of roses and that’s why I haven’t been posting, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. It has however been a real load of drama and heartache (not only in the realm of relationships). My battle with depression has been increasingly difficult, but I’ve managed to get by with my friends being there to support me whether they know everything that’s going on or not. I’ll say straight up that if any of you guys are reading this (Matt Nelson, Niki, Jon, Bill, Evan, Ellie, or Hannah) you guys really don’t know the positive impact you have on my life and you are the reason that I have the determination to go on from day to day. While we all have only know each other for a relatively short time, with the obvious exception being my sister, words cannot describe the emotions that I feel for you all.

Over the last few months or so (however long it has been since I’ve posted last) I’ve managed to go out on a date with Carrie, get rejected by Carrie, develop feelings for someone I can’t have, ignore these feelings, realize that the one girl I think I honestly am compatible with lives quite a ways away and things probably wouldn’t work out between us because of it, realize I am more of a nerd than I really thought initially, neglect my home life because it depresses me and then end up spending all of my time at a local IHOP with someone I’ve developed feelings for that I really shouldn’t have. This all kind of stacked up on me resulting in an incredibly lengthy and emotional therapy session last week. I finally cracked spewing these emotions regarding the rut that I’ve been in emotionally and how absolutely worthless I’ve begun to feel yet again at my therapist. He however had seen straight through most of the things that I didn’t even realize were bullshit that happened to be mentioned in previous sessions because of the fact that he has been seeing me off and on for roughly 11 years (I know right?!). Sadly V-Day fell on one of my usually scheduled sessions so my appointment ended up canceled on the one day of the year that I needed it most. So instead of spewing at my therapist I’ve decided to take all of my problems to the internet and see if you guys can come up with something I haven’t heard before that could possibly help given my current situation. Some of this stuff won’t be new to some of you, but for the sake of any potential new readers I’m just going to cover all of my bases in one swing.

First of all, I wear my emotions on my sleeve. It’s my biggest downfall. Well that and I’m your stereotypical definition of a nice guy. This shouldn’t be a downfall, but it frequently results in me getting walked all over in non-romantic situations and me getting friend-zoned in romantic situations. I’m pretty sure that I bring new meaning to the phrase “Nice guys finish last” because I’ve seen some of my friends who can be complete douches (not saying I am not one/can’t be one) end up appearing to be completely happy with their life. To be fair though I bet there are a lot of people that wouldn’t know how depressed I really am without reading this blog. I’ve gotten really good at masking my emotions over the years. There’s much heartbreak and pent up rage hiding underneath the calm and collected exterior seen by the public. I can’t stand hiding these emotions, but it’s against everything I am to let those emotions attempt to take me over.

Secondly, I’m awkward. I’ve accepted this as have most of the people that have actually stuck around in my life. I swear like a sailor, I have smoked, I used to drink, I am a proud nerd, I don’t really like to party too much, I can’t stand the current generation, I should have been born in the 80s, and I only pretend to not care about the things I know that you say about me behind my back. Those are just the points that came to mind in my nearly 2 AM rant. Imagine what kind of weird stuff I’d be able to come up with if I wasn’t actually caught up in a mess of emotion. Reason that being awkward is getting mentioned is because honestly I feel like the only place I can really be myself is when I’m yelling at my computer while playing League Of Legends, whenever I’m at The Gaming Pit or IHOP with friends, or when I’m on the internet. Other than that I’m really uncomfortable in most situations. I love people, but apparently am not too good at interacting with newer people. I usually leave memorably awkward first impressions and my whole life seems to end up being an oceans for the awkward sea creatures (turtles, starfish, etc.) to reside in. I know that this probably is an exaggeration and most situations aren’t awkward until someone says they are, but that’s how everything feels to me.

Thirdly, My home life is no where near what it should be. This is something I’m not going to go into much because I’m completely ashamed of the way my home life has gone over the last few years. All I will say is that my family and I do have quite a few problems and it’s not my favorite environment to be in. They say home is where your heart is and my heart is for my family, but frequently I find myself with my heart at IHOP or The Gaming Pit.

Fourthly and finally, When you put all of these things together you find someone that struggles to find them self in a healthy relationship. As previously mentioned I am absolutely awful at meeting/getting to know new people. With that bit of knowledge I have turned to online dating sites (Mainly OkCupid) to meet new people. This has resulted in a ton of failed attempts at getting to know people and has mostly just ended up frustrating me more than anything else. I am no where near content with the quality of people that I have met. Most people enter into a conversation with me assuming that I’m just in the conversation to get in their pants. This is an understandable misfortune, but it does however get increasingly annoying as nights go on and I have no luck whatsoever finding anyone to even hold a conversation with me, much less go out on a date with me. I guess I have ranted my way through all of this to ask a simple question. The question being anyone who knows me even close to personally (which is 90% of the followers of this blog and anyone who clicked the link from my Facebook) what could possibly be done differently in my life to make myself a bit less awkward/more likeable in the eyes of the public. I don’t care how harsh your words are or how rough you are on me I’m just getting to a point where this depression needs to end, but I’m in such a rut I have no idea about where to go from here. I only really know how I see myself which even in my depression is in a pretty decent light, but I want to know how the rest of the world sees me and to see that I need your help.

Is it to fucking much to ask… (Rant #1 Will give context later)

That if you are going to decide that I’m the one you need to yell at you tell me why the fuck you think that you are always fucking right about everything? At least half the money i’m making is going directly into my fucking gas tank,  but noooooooo apparently that’s not enough because neither of my fucking parents have a fucking job. I work right next door to the place that I fucking spend 95% of my time. If I don’t fucking come home until late because i’m out until 6 having a good time with friends AT THE PLACE THATS RIGHT FUCKING NEXT DOOR SO IM NOT USING MORE OF YOUR PRECIOUS GAS THAN I HAVE TO than i’m fucking sorry. If I sleep all day because I was out all night so you feel like you don’t ever have time to fucking talk to me about anything than just WAKE MY FUCKING ASS UP… I wouldn’t have the fucking energy to fucking be up all fucking night if I didn’t fucking sleep all day. If you hear my alarm clock going off and don’t see me moving because i’ve hit the snooze for two hours then WAKE MY ASS UP. It’s not that difficult. I’m fucking sorry that i’m the only one that has a job. I’m sorry that you are fucking stressed because you don’t have one and nothing appears to be panning out, but IM FUCKING NINETEEN. I’m not twenty six. I still live under your fucking roof meaning that there should be at least some form of “home is the safest place you’ll be”, but nope. Instead whenever I get home if anyone is awake I get fussed at, when i wake up i get fussed at, and about two or three other times during the fucking day i get fussed at. So yeah guys. I’m fucking done. Every dime i fucking have is going to be going towards a car and moving the fuck out so you fuckers don’t have to fucking deal with me being out late ever again.

My First Words Of The New Year

“You’re beautiful my dear Carrie and I can’t imagine spending my new year with anyone other than you. I can’t imagine being anywhere other than here with you.”

Fer realz guise. She’s legit. This ones a keeper.

(For all of you that haven’t quite figured it out. Carrie = Ms. Mous)

Stargate and Tumblr…

What has my world come to?? I really miss having my job. I’ve been unemployed for about a month and it’s killing me. I enjoyed the break for about 48 hours and then it was back to this whole “bust my can to find a job” deal and man alive had I forgotten how difficult it was. Oh how i wish it was easier to find work.

As You All Might Have Noticed… (Catching Up On All Things Chris)

I’ve been incredibly inactive lately. I’ve had a TON of things going on in my personal life that I haven’t really been motivated to write about. Since the last time I’ve seriously blogged I have lost my job, found Jesus (no seriously), my step-dad has moved back in, and I’ve also spent way too much money on Christmas gifts. I’m not too sure if I’ll be able to go into the specifics on Christmas-y stuff on here because I’m more than a little bit sure that my sister follows this blog and my brother is friends with me on Facebook where these posts immediately post after I hit the submit button, but what the heck. I’m still able to tell you all about the other changes happening in my life.

Lets start with the loss of my job. In my own defense this was in NO way shape or form my fault. After a very long weekend in which my general manager was out of town, I finally have a day off and at about 11 AM I get a call from my boss asking me to come in at some point. I figured this would just be a “So how did the weekend go” kinda meeting and we’d just go from there, but nope. I found out right then that starting six hours later I would have no job at all. This of course really had me upset for a bit, but i’ve since been keeping my chin up and just looking hard for other work.

A bit BEFORE losing my job however I met up with a friend I hadn’t spoken with in quite a while. His name? Jesus. Yeah I know that some if not most of the people reading this don’t share my faith, but that’s not really gonna stop me from posting about it. If I lose a few followers then oh well. I’m not going to shove what I believe down your throats, but things will get said. I’ve been in church most of my life, but recently i’ve just found out what it feels like to believe. It’s almost like that feeling you get when you’re a kid and you find out that Santa planted some kind of evidence that made you believe he was real. (Or if your parents were doodie heads and didn’t let you believe in santa clause then use the easter bunny or the tooth fairy or any other fictitious character that merited some kind of reward for landmarks in your childhood passing by… And if you were never told about any of those… well I guess you’re getting left out of this analogy) It’s like you have your suspicions because you have never really seen any solid evidence of his existence, but then you have something completely unmistakeable that could have only been the one that you’ve spent all of these years unsure of whether or not their existence was fact or fiction. For me that was an overwhelming sense of peace in a helpless situation at home. A peace that could only have been a gift from God. (I’ll go more into that whole deal in a separate post)

Not only did that peace assist in coping with my job loss it also assisted in the restoration of my family. Now for those of you that don’t know I’ve spent the last 5-6 years loathing every fiber of my step-dad’s being. He’s annoying, obnoxious, and just an all around pain in my butt. Some might ask how with that sort of attitude restoration came. Well let me put it this way. Are you content with your parents all the time? Do you find them to be an annoyance when you personally are trying to peruse tumblr? Of course you do. That’s just what people my age happen to feel like. I spent all these years blaming my step-dad for a bunch of things that didn’t and still don’t have anything to do with him. Our pastor came over a few weeks ago and just sat down with us all and had a chat showing us basically that we were all on the same page wanting restoration of a family unit and a mutual respect amongst all of us. I of course ended up fessing up to the fact that I was wrong and have spent way too much time dwelling on the past. (Not an easy thing for me to admit that I was wrong with a grudge i held for so many years) Since then my step-dad, who wasn’t living in our house at the time, has moved back in and we’ve begun to get along as a family instead of just five people living in a house. This has been the most important thing to come out of any of the recent events, and not only has it been the most important it has also been the most positive and fulfilling as well.

Since this post is already a bit scattered lets just move right on along to the next topic at hand. I’ve met this amazing girl. As usual though her name will remain Ms. Anony Mous. Shares all kinds of similar interests with me (Doctor Who, Firefly, Shakespeare, Gaming, Etc.). Ms. Mous is the closest thing i’ve met to a perfect match for me in both friendship and (possibly even someday (soon i hope)) relationship. Unlike in situations past with her I feel completely at ease just chatting with her about what normally might be the silliest of things. I’ve been completely myself with her and she seems to be bringing out a smiling and happy side of me i haven’t been too familiar with in a quite a long while. That’s about where i’m going to leave that whole paragraph though because i know that Ms. Mous follows this blog and i don’t want to be too blasted cheesy/helpless romantic-y at the moment. As you all know though there will more than likely be more to come later. For now though we will move onwards to the final point of this message!

THIS BLOG WILL BE HAVING NEW ADDITIONS TO IT SOON! Since i’m unemployed right now there is no reason for me to be lacking in posts in this blog. I began to think that you all didn’t just want to hear me rambling on about the negative aspects of my life though. So I’ve decided after a not-so-brief hiatus that I will be bringing more to the table when it comes to this blog. They are “Random Ramblings” after all. I’ve put a bit of thought into it and decided that (at least) twice a week there will be reviews of various forms of entertainment posted on my blog. At the moment that will probably only include music and movies, but who knows where this might bring me as a writer. I initially started this blog to nurture my talents as a potential writer and begin to see where that took me, but then life happened and decided to kick me in the pants causing a lack of determination for this whole blogging thing, but with all of these new found revelations I’ve recieved the spark needed to ignite the oh so needed fire under my butt to get myself motivated to do something constructive with all of this down time that I have at the moment.

So there you have it guys and gals. That’s been the last month and a half or so of my life in a nutshell. A very very very lengthy nutshell, but a nutshell nevertheless.

COMING SOON TO A BLOG NEAR YOU: Music Review #1 Grouplove - Never Trust A Happy Song

A lot to say

Sorry I haven’t been blogging. I’ll get back to it tomorrow. Lots to post about.

Two Options

This post is going to be really short and to the point, but I could use some serious feedback. Long story super duper short I found out today that my place oof work as of 10 PM today has been shut down. This has resulted in one of two options for me.

Option 1: Relocate to their theater in Savannah resulting in me moving out and being on my own (sadly I have $620 to do so and that’s it unless I find other work here)

OR

Option 2: Find work here and continue living with my parents. (Finding work being much harder than it sounds)

Neither of these are ideal at the moment. Any advice could help.

The Beatles Had It All Figured Out

So I tend to enjoy thinking that I’m a bit different from most guys in a lot of ways. I’m a lot more emotional, commonly mistaken for gay, and sometimes (sad but true) I’m a bit too in touch with my feminine side but you know I really don’t mind. I watched Nick and Nora’s Infinite Playlist for the first time last night and there was a lot about that movie that I really wished could happen to me. I mean who DOESN’T want Kat Drennings to randomly come up to them after a concert and just plant one on them? I know I sure do, but that’s besides the point. I could really relate to Nick (Micheal Cera) though. I’ve been quite hung up on an ex since the breakup. It’s been about six months (most of that time i’ve had no contact with her) and I still frequently find myself thinking about her. It’s borderline annoying because I know that I will never really have a second chance and if I did things would be totally different and blah blah blah this post isn’t to complain about my ex.

As I watched the film though I realized that I was more like this Nick character than I thought. I’m awkward, I’m gawky, I’m not too too great to look at but for some reason people still find me cure, I’m oblivious to the things around me when it comes to girls, I like music a bit more than I probably should, and at times I even push away those that truly do like and care about me over some stupid drama about another girl. That part has really been the story of my life lately. However there was one monologue that really just grabbed onto my heart.

“But, you know, the Beatles, they had it all figured out. ‘I Wanna Hold Your Hand. ’ That’s the first single. It’s F-ing brilliant, right? Because that’s what everybody wants, Nicky. They don’t want a 24-hour hump sesh. They don’t wanna be married to you for a hundred years. They just wanna hold your hand.”

This just about made me cry for some strange reason. Maybe it’s because that’s really all I’ve wanted lately. I’m not after sex. I’m not after making out with a total stranger. All I really want lately is to just hold someone’s hand. It doesn’t even need to necessarily be in a romantic light. Just someone I care about taking my hand in theirs and harmlessly holding it. I really don’t think that’s too much to ask. We’ll see whether life thinks that it is or not. On that note, I’m out for now Tumblr.

-Topher

I Really Do Like Her… This Can Go One Of Two Ways.

I’m hoping for the best, but expecting the worst… I mean after spending two months telling myself she didn’t like me and making other seemingly stupid dating decisions that resulted in some hurt feelings and confusion on my part (oh and my luck when it comes to girls for that matter) you’d think that she would have said screw him and moved on. Apparently i’m wrong though this girl (who will remain nameless for a while) and I have talked every night for weeks and with each conversation I feel a stronger and stronger connection with her.

She and I have shared a few good laughs and she’s helped me through my fair share of rough days. I’d like to think i’ve done the same for her, but there really haven’t been any times I can think of where she has come to me for help. I try to build her up every time we talk (telling her she’s beautiful, encouraging her that bad days get better, etc.) but sometimes I feel like I do it too much and she thinks it’s annoying and the words have begun to lose their meaning.

She truly is beautiful though. I mean yes she may not be the Size 0 Hollywood model material that consumer america looks for on the cover of magazines, but to be honest I find people that thin to be sickening. If I can count your ribs and make out every curve of your hipbone while you are still wearing pants I’m sorry, but you need to eat a sandwich. I have grown so tired of the expectation that Hollywood has put on the girls (from young children to full grown women) that you have to be two inches around and a whore to even so much as catch the attention of any man ever, but I digress. The previously mentioned girl actually has more morals that I do from what I can gather and seems to be one of the sweetest people I have ever met.

So I guess I say all of this to say that I really hope that I don’t screw things up with this girl or whenever she and I do finally get to go out she realizes i’m not what she thought or something of the sort. Soooo yeah… More later. It’s late and I have an early morning. Goodnight Tumblr.